Gayshaving
Gay Men in Open Relationships: What Works?
Hint: It will take a lot of work.
As a couples counselor working with gay men I am often asked my opinion on monogamy and open LGBTQ relationships. What works for men in long-term relationships? First, the research.
Several research studies show that about 50% of gay male couples are monogamous and about 50% allow for sex outside of the partnership. The research finds no difference in the level of happiness or stability among these groups.
Next, my opinions and advice, based on my therapy practice.
Talk About It Openly With Your Partner
If you and your partner want to have a close partnership and have additional sex partners, be prepared for a lot of talking. And I&#;m not just referring to discussions about when, where and with whom. I mean talking about feelings, what we therapists call &#;processing.&#;
If that kind of conversation makes you squirm, I realize. Most men are not socialized to embrace the sharing of intimate and vulnerable emotions. However, if you aren&#;t willing to experiment with processing then I suspect
The ins and outs of safer, greater sex.
I’m scared of bottoming
Most gay men will consider bottoming at some time. However, the thought of doing it for the first day can be scary. Don’t let that put you off.
You may prefer to douche before bottoming, especially if indulging in deep arse play like fisting or with massive dicks/toys. Use plain, clean water, preferably at body temperature. Avoid using shower attachments - the water pressure can be dangerous. You can get douche bulbs online or from any great sex shop. Attempt not to proceed overboard and irritate the lining of your arse, as this can produce you more vulnerable to STIs.
Get yourself relaxed with lots of foreplay appreciate rimming or fingering. Some men perform use amyl nitrate (poppers) to loosen the muscles around their arse but there are two major health warnings. Poppers:
- have been linked with an increased risk of HIV transmission
- don’t mix with erection drugs enjoy Viagra and may cause a heart attack.
Deep breathing is far safer, helps you to loosen and relaxes the arse too.
Find a position that suits the size, angle and curvat
Gay men and other men who have sex with men
Abebe- an international student from Ethiopia, year-old who identifies as male (he/him/they) and has been sexually active for the last five years. Abebe’s appointment is by telehealth. About three months ago, he started exploring his sexuality and has had sex with a few male partners (if asked for more detail – 4/5 partners, both insertive and receptive anal and oral sex, infrequent condom use). Abebe is feeling confused and uncertain about his sexuality and would never acquire felt comfortable exploring it further while living with his parents in Ethiopia. He is worried about anyone in his family finding out, particularly his father. Abebe has no significant medical history but has been feeling a little anxious lately. Abebe has never smoked cigarettes but has been experimenting with some recreational drugs since coming to Australia. He drinks alcohol with friends on weekends ( drinks per occasion) and has tried some MDMA. These occasions are also when he started to experiment having sex with men. Harm reduction education is provide
Why Gay Men Love Sex
Men, why is sex so important? There are the obvious reasons, like the powerful presence of testosterone in our bodies. And our “built-in” human longing for pleasure, connection, and affection.
But here’s another way to look at sex that gets less attention and goes a minute deeper. Perhaps we are looking for transcendence. Sex is one of the few experiences that get us away from our daily, sometimes boring, lives.
Orgasm may be one of the only times we are fully present in the moment.
Transcendence doesn’t become much attention these days. We live busy lives. Few us of peer to religion for transcendence anymore, and religious organizations that feel welcoming to gay men are strenuous to find.
And yet for most of us, something seems missing. Life can easily fall into a deadening routine of commute/work/commute again/gym/television/masturbation/eat/sleep and repeat. That, plus laundry.
“Men lead lives of quiet desperation,” said author Henry David Thoreau.
Some of us look for a feeling of transcendence with drugs or alcohol. That works great for the first few times